June 4th - 7th, 2024 - The first of many

On the 4th of June I created my blog. It took me 4 hours to complete which I was pretty happy with. I had my second day of teaching that day. It went really well. I know it's only been a couple of days but I am really considering teaching as a career. It feels so good that I can make a difference in these kids lives. The students are really smart. Many of them are quite good at English already. They are so sweet. They really try their best which is awesome to see. After class I met this Belgian woman named Laura. She teaches at our school too, however she is only at our school till the end of the week. It really is too bad that she has to leave so soon, she seemed so cool.

That night I was so motivated about my time here. My mind was racing when I tried to fall asleep. I was thinking about all the different things I could do with my blog. I was thinking about doing a "Bipolar life" part of my website which would lean into the more bipolar related things on this trip such as sleep patterns, racing thoughts, medication even old poems and things I have from the last time I had a manic episode. I think I will just focus on the blog and maybe when I have a bunch of free time I can create the "Bipolar life" page. Because my mind was racing so much I had to take some extra quetiapine. I had already taken 600mg so I was unsure how much I could go up considering my normal dose is 400mg. I called my case nurse back home through skype calling (which costs money) to see how high I could go up. She said I could go up to 800mg if I needed to to slow things down.

I took the 800mg and this is where things started to change. The following day (June 5th) I noticed I wasn't as motivated to do things. It's like the wind had been taken out of my sails. I wasn't as excited to teach and I wasn't motivated to get out and go walk around for some exercise. I didn't get any anxiety this day but it was a sign for what was next to come.

One of our English teachers had a family emergency and had to fly home. This left Harrison and I to pick up the slack. We went from teaching 1 or 2 classes a day o to teaching much more. I didn't mind though as I wanted to get more experience.

June 6th, 2024

I went from teaching 2 classes to teaching 6. Technically we are only allowed to teach up to 5 hours per day but I think I am still within these parameters even though I now teach 6. I didn't have anxiety for every class on Thursday but I did for about half of them. The first class I had anxiety for was an older students class up to 11 years of age. I had to teach them about using past simple and I didn't even know what that was. The teaching assistant for that class really helped me out. When I get anxiety I freeze and it is really difficult for me to retain information or even create new ideas. I was supposed to teach the students how to talk about their last vacation. It was their mission to to try and create a script of things like. Where did they go, why did they go, when did they go and what did they do there. I was supposed to give them an example but I could hardly even come up with one. My anxiety got so bad I had to take a clonazepam.

I can't remember what we did for the rest of the day but my new schedule for Tuesdays and Thursdays consist of the following.

Teaching plays to movers 9:15-10am

Teaching plays starters 10:15-11am

Teaching voicing to movers 2pm - 3pm

Teaching presenting and story telling to movers 3:30pm to 4:30pm

Teaching movers 3A1 5:45- 6:30pm

Teaching movers 1C1 6:30-7:15pm

Teaching Movers and Starters. Starters is age 7-9 and movers is 9-11. Some students based on their skill level can be in a higher or lower class. I also teach kindergartners but that is on a different day.

Next comes my schedule for Mondays

Teaching Flyers 2pm - 3pm

Teaching Starters 3:30 to 4:30 pm

This will allow me to travel to Hanoi or Cat ba on weekends and come back on Monday mornings.

After that is Wednesdays

Teaching use of English Flyers 2pm to 3pm

Teaching Starters presentation 3:30-4:30pm

Teaching Kindergarten 1B - 5:45 - 6:45 pm

Fridays are:

Teaching speaking test Movers 9 am to 11am

Teaching Kindergarten 5:45 - 6:45pm

June 7th, 2024

We started the day by quizzing students with a speaking test. At first Harrison and I weren't going fast enough. Because of this it took us longer that the 2 hour time allotment we had. We ended up having to come back after lunch and finishing the speaking test with the students. I had mild anxiety during this time but it was manageable. We ate lunch with the students and they served us fish. I'm not really a fish guy but it tasted fine. After that I got some major anxiety but I was able to shake it during the afternoon. When it came to my next lesson I got really bad anxiety with the kindergarten students because the speak next to no English and it was hard teaching them the material. After that class we had a bit of a going away party for Lara. Trang drove me to get some bahn mi that was actually really good. I struggled to eat it while I had anxiety though. My saliva glands close up and its really hard for me to swallow food and I lose my appetite too. I ended taking a clonazepam even though I really didn't want to. I ended up leaving early and my anxiety went away soon after that. I've noticed while I have anxiety that I shut down and its really hard for me to walk around the streets. I actually get a bit of agoraphobia. I get worried I'm going to get lost even though I've walked the streets around my homestay dozens of time. I ended up calling my nurse again and she mentioned I could take a clonazepam every day if I really needed to, which is strange because at home my doctor didn't want me to take it more that 3 times a week. My nurse said because I'm in a strange place and I'm doing something completely new and that I am on a low dose that I can take it everyday if i need to but not for forever only until I get comfortable again.

I think next week will go much better!